December 26, 2007

Iridescent Hope

Excerpts...

Olawunmi herself had had a grueling ordeal commuting to work that morning. There were fewer commuter buses plying the roads at this point of the fuel crisis. She had ambled to the bus stop this time taking the longer route in order to avoid having to encounter the body which she had heard from people who had walked down the road in recent days was still lying languidly on the side road where she had last seen it. Unlike previous days when she waited for her staff bus at a side of the makeshift bus stop that was far from the madness of the crowd, she had had to mingle with the throngs of people who waited for the commercial vehicles that would take them to their various destinations. The word chaos took on another meaning and dimension of its own. It became clear the extent to which the fuel crisis had reached when the familiar danfo buses were a rare sight as most of them ran on the fuel which had become a precious commodity in town. The only form of transportation that was visible that morning was the black and yellowed-hued mammoth-shaped bus which had been given the incomparable name – Molue.

There was nothing else like it in Lagos and for many commuters that morning it was a godsend because it ran on diesel. Although at that point of the fuel crisis, diesel had not fallen into the ranks of what was considered essential but scarce commodities, many cynics were quick to point out that it was just a question of time since word on the street was the scarcity was about to extend to diesel.

9 comments:

Kiibaati said...

You described a Lagos many "lagosians" are familliar with.From vigilante executions to ferry boats...this is Lagos!

omohemi Benson said...

I love the story,
the simplicity and the true picture of the life of an average Lagosian.
Well done Jola.

Atutupoyoyo said...

A very good read Jola. The paragaraph where you describe Olawunmi's first attempt to board a Molue is a triumph in detail and exposition.

Have you managed to get an agent yet? You have more than the minimum amount required to start putting yourself out there. Your talent would be incredibly wasted if you restrict it to blogsville.

Unknown said...

@kiibaati - Thanks for stopping by. I wrote it in the midst of a gripping frenzy of nostalgia and I actually surprised myself with how much I remembered

@OB - Thanks!

@atutupoyoyo - Thank you for your very kind comments. I know I can always count on you to put my toes to the fire...I am happy to report that I am working on all you recommend. Watch this space for more!!!

Naapali said...

Thanks for your kind comments on my runaway tale.

I enjoyed this story and hope you take my comments in good faith.

I absolutely loved the beginning of the story and it was as strong and poignant as anything I have read in a while (Including Chimamanda's short story on the FT Weekend from 12/29/07). I felt the unease and discomfort our protagonist felt on seeing the body, walking away and trying not to puke. I also sensed her psyche's pain at the loss of a life and the seeming casualness of it all. I wish the story had somehow come back to this body. Who was it (he/she?) Was this someone perhaps related to the narrator? Someone like her? Had she played a role in this person's life?

I understand as the writer you control the universe you create and dictate the direction it takes but I feel returning to that body that played such a strong role in the beginning would have been most effective. It is like the stage play mandate that if you see a gun displayed in Act one; Scene one, that the gun will be fired before the play is over. That body was the gun for me.

Otherwise, I echo Atutu (who I shamelessly claim as my brother from different parents, to his utter chagrin) and hope your readership expands in due course.

Unknown said...

@naapali - Thank you for very kind comments and I appreciate your suggestions...I really did not want to dwell to much on the dead body, I guess I wanted to use as a symbol of what commuters encounter in Lagos ...I am not sure if that is clear but I did not want to lose the focus of the story which was the vagaries of commuting in Lagos. Thanks again for stopping by

Ms. Catwalq said...

Aaaaah, the not so pleasant old days....and still a continous experience for so many...

Olu said...

How come it's now in excerpt mode?
I came to re-read it, only for me to find a shorter version.
*Snif*
Does this mean you are about to publish the stories?

Unknown said...

@Olu - Thanks for stopping by and I am sorry that you left disappointed. Yes, I am going to publish the La Racontrice stories plus a few more. I'll put a post up to update everyone in a few weeks once I have all my ducks in a row and have set some dates, etc. Thanks always for your support...

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